So we’ve been slighted by another—or slighted by Life. Oh the “Why me’s” and “Why now’s”! Mel Robbins, in her book Let Them, reminds us to let people be who they are and stop fighting reality—since freedom comes not from accepting them, but from reclaiming our focus and energy. But what if we flip the script entirely and instead of just let them, we—calmly and directly—THANK THEM! 

Forget about forgiving! Forgiving is impractical. It’s too emotionally exhaustive to release resentment and move on, especially when paired with an inability to forget. Thanking is easier. It’s liberating. And superior to forgiving. It acknowledges that who or what we’re forgiving has provided the priceless opportunity for us to grow, strengthen our boundaries, and develop a deep, wise and elegant armour. 

This in no way is about shrugging off a trauma or letting someone off the hook for their bad behavior. It’s not about pretending the pain didn’t happen. This is about acknowledging that anyone or anything that has harmed us is participating in our growth. Like the Buddhist scholar Shantideva, “Your enemies are your greatest teachers.” 

We can own every moment and ask ourselves:

–What does this person/situation trigger in me?

–What has their behavior/this incident forced me to confront about myself—my boundaries, my values, my self-esteem, my insecurities?

–Can I discover/recover my strength and resilience because of them/it? 

Thanking gives us the freedom to move on and continue our growth. It acknowledges that the pain in our life isn’t random, but the masterclass we needed in our evolution.

Thank you for showing me who I can trust.

Thank you showing me more about the kind of person you are.

Thank you for making me stronger and wiser. 

Thank you for showing me the cracks I didn’t know were there. 

Thank you for being the lesson I didn’t want but needed.

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” 

–Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

“Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness.” 

–Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth

You can’t always get what you want

But if you try sometime you’ll find

You get what you need

–Rolling Stones