Some women have been “influenced.” But, when it comes to that lusty bit of nourishment we know as the oyster, it’s notably men—yes, countless gents today and centuries begone—who’ve gobbled up this culinary marvel with a fiery purpose. But do we really know the depths, the life, and the powers behind this most mysterious phenomenon? 

When it comes to food, only the enigmatic oyster lives as both genders in one lifetime, first as a he before becoming a she. What’s even more fascinating, however, is that danger is constant for this he-now-she. As a female, she is well-aware of her perpetual vulnerability. Her delicate muscles must keep her shells solidly and stolidly shut, only to then lie motionless and soundless, there in her cold secluded dismal recluse. She must face seven enemies, the eighth being man, who shields her from the rest only to ultimately feast upon her either for his cerebral or lustful profit. 

The starfish, for instance, coils its arms around her like a repugnant suitor and pries her shells open before slurping her into its stomach hole. The snail and the sponge burrow holes through her shells to then strike and slug her down. If these assailants don’t end her misery, then leeches or mussels or slipper shells will likely do so, camping out on her shells, consuming all her sustenance until she’s much too weak and weary to persevere.

Life is tough, so we claim. But for the oyster, life is much grimmer. She lives deathly still and quiet, the squishy chilling contours of her form, her only consolation. And yet even if she does manage to evade the threat of the ominous starfish-snail-sponge-leech-mussel-slipper-duck, her fate is ultimately the dredging, the shucking and the swallowing of man.

No, it’s not a pretty picture for our silky glistening culinary anomaly. Whether she goes to enrich a man’s brain, fill his belly, or empower his private parts, our dear tender oyster is captivating way beyond what meets our eye. 

Firstly, the oyster is packed with health benefits, providing a nourishing blend of vital chemical elements, like oxygen, hydrogen, and nitrogen, all vital to our wellbeing. She offers “fuel value,” meaning she is rich in vitamins, like zinc, calcium, vitamin C and most significantly phosphorus. It’s been said she contains more mighty phosphorus than quite possibly any other food! And phosphorus, in case you’re unaware, is brain food, and has been considered essential since long before the 15th century as a way to boost the intellect. 

Cicero ate oysters regularly to enhance his eloquence. The vainglorious Louis XI held yearly banquets in which he obliged his guests to gorge down oysters by the dozens. And the times of Voltaire also saw the oyster guzzled down by the dozen-ful as an apéritif and reason to rejoice in the sensual pleasures of life. 

Today, we can break down the profile of the oyster-eater into three distinct categories: those with unrestrained palates who will eat the oyster any which way: hot, cold, thick, thin, dressed or undressed, so long as it’s an oyster; those who will only eat them cooked; and those who are purist—the true aficionados—who insist on them raw and nothing but raw. But either way,  

In any case, the oyster—plucked from its sanctuary and presented on a plate naked and exposed—is the answer, yes unequivocally the answer, to a greater power. 

But history didn’t just praise the oyster for intellect and nourishment.

The best example may be Giacomo Casanova, the 18th-century Venetian author known for his lascivious escapades, who In preparation of his liaisons, would eat 50 oysters for breakfast to ignite the fire of desire within his loins. 

Evidently, apart from the protein and vitamin sustenance that she’s known to offer, our reputable oyster is infamously also linked to libido boosts. Perhaps it is her zinc doing its job in testosterone production. Perhaps it is her D-Aspartic acid, which in studies of rats has been shown to spark arousal. But despite all such claims, the oyster’s reputation as passion-igniter may simply be the effect of her fleshier, more carnal aspects. (We are positively sure her aphrodisiac spells are never noted when she is breaded or chicken-fried.)

Let’s be truly honest. Might her unparalleled influence in gastronomy not have EVERYTHING to do with her odor, her texture, her consistency and presentation? We wouldn’t want to burst anyone’s bubble, but there are many connections to be drawn between said “cunnilingus of gastronomy” (author Will Self) and the actual object of the c-word.  

All we can say is, whether the myth of our she-oyster as raw, sexy arousing love-aid is an old wives’ tale or the real deal—whether men shall feel all the more virile for it—men will still be men, in spite of that lustful spell on a half-shell.