Rubber Bands Stretch Real Far…Until They Don’t

Let’s release and embrace the idea that temporary but regular conflict is bad
Photo Credits: Javi and I dressing our parts 😂
February 8, 2024

What would two lovers be without hate🤬. Love is not always fun and games; It most definitely is not all giggles, hand-holding, and hot passionate whoopee. The feuds, the hostility, the arms of mass destruction… Oh, it’s coming around again. What we don’t realize is that these conflicts are usually not alarming signs of a problem. If they were a problem, then it wouldn’t be afflicting every couple.

Essentially, we need conflict. We might subconsciously even instigate it as it is crucial to building trust. Conflict is that wonderful phenomenon that demonstrates whose love is or isn’t unconditional. It inflicts us with pain and leaves us with scars, but ironically conflict can build greater intimacy.

If you’re anything like me, you might have a tendency to prolong the period in which you “punish” the other, penetrating them with the death stare or pretending they don’t exist. If you’re anything like hubbo Javi, you might pretend as if nothing happened and crack lame “jokes” and leave out the desperately needed “sorry,” as if discrediting my feelings. But these are just patterns we’ve become accustomed to. And old patterns usually die hard. But not if we don’t want them to. Is it really that difficult to stop perpetuating the patterns that don’t serve us? Can we make coupledom easier, and the tensions less habitual, and shorter?


Fling your anger, build the tension, then snapparoo back to peace. The good fight will always be part of the picture. Accept in unison. But we can be quick to surrender. Rebound with “let’s call the whole thing off.” It can be as simple as pressing the “start over” button. Who really cares who’s right and who’s wrong (although I do, I really do😩). So what, if you still haven’t received a single “sorry.” If we learn to hone our resilience and master the art of letting go, life would be so much easier (and easier on the aging process). Is it worth perpetuating the tension until it’s too late? Rubber bands stretch real far, until they don’t.

Let’s try to analyze the problem we have with tension. Psychologists sometimes refer to it as the “hedonic treadmill.” This concept refers to the idea that we’re always working hard to change our life situation and that we never actually reach the happiness we’d imagined. Clearly our idea of happiness is off. Happiness can and should include some struggle and hardship. We know that overcoming hardship is fulfilling in life. Let’s live it, then let it go. We can’t win if we don’t play. And we all want to feel the win 😉.

Once we can release the idea that temporary but regular conflict is negative, then can we openly and willingly enjoy life. It all boils down to perspective. And the snap back.

I’m reminded of a song:

Baby sneezes
Mummy pleases
Daddy breezes in
So good on paper
So romantic
But so bewildering

I know nothing stays the same
But if you’re willing to play the game
It’s coming around again
So don’t mind if I fall apart
There’s more room in a broken heart

You pay the grocer
You fix the toaster
Kiss the host good-bye
Then you break a window
Burn the soufflé
Scream the lullaby

I know nothing stays the same
But if you’re willing to play the game
It’s coming around again
So don’t mind if I fall apart
There’s more room in a broken heart

And I believe in love
What else can I do
I’m so in love with you

“Coming Around Again,” Carly Simon


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