Confessions of a Dietary Lab Rat

Though I wish I’d known then what I know now, my journey as a Type 1 diabetic has been invaluable. And if with my lessons I can save you some trouble, then I shall squeal all the happier for it.
June 20, 2024

Alas and alack, how I’m ever a slave to the mercy of my blood glucose. Will it be high? Why is it high!?! First it’s high, then it’s low!?! Did I forget to give myself insulin!?! Was it the right insulin? Confounded Hell, no it wasn’t! Oh lamentable plight, now I must keep eating though I’m bursting through the seams after that meal!?! Or, Oh that I mustn’t eat lest I bring my glucose down, regardless of how famished I may be!?!

Not looking for a pity party here, or well maybe just a smidgen. But don’t get me wrong. I was being slightly (but only slightly) facetious. It’s actually not what you expect. Being a Type 1 diabetic is a great paradox, like everything in life. I used to think it was restricting, regulatory and ruefully, a royal pain in my royally food-enthralled arse. And yes, I still do. BUT, fellow Anatomists, here is the “aha!” Thanks to this life-long condition, I remain quite smug and content to be a bonafide laboratory rat, every day throughout the day. Yes, because lucky me gets instantaneous first-hand knowledge about how everything I ingest affects the human body (that means yours too). And if knowledge is power, well then, read on my friend and I promise, you’ll be anything but powerless.

You see, those food and drug administrators—those who supposedly look out for our consumptive wellbeing—try to make you and me their laboratory rats. Watch out, they’re after our tail! That’s why we must join forces and be ever-informed and ever-paranoid about everything we put in our sacred temples. Or it’s our lives. Too dramatic? Not exactly, says the diabetic who has personally witnessed the effects of these approved substances. The sad truth is, the FDA doesn’t truly give a rat’s you-know-what about our wellbeing. Oh now now, fret not, my wee squeaky pippins. I’ve whirled the hamster wheel long enough, and this is what I know. I serve you forth, my dietary confessions as an ever-dutiful lab rat.

But first an example from my repertoire of experiences. When I tried the supermarket variety of california sushi rolls (made with imitation crab, high-oleic-sunflower-oil-based mayo, MSG, and high-fructose corn-syrup), I subsequently and catastrophically ran a 600 glucose reading. In case you may not know, 100 is normal and 600 is astronomically high. To bring this glucose level down meant giving myself 2 days worth of insulin. Why? The body doesn’t like chemicals or chemically-treated food. It translates to emergency. Which translates to inflammation. And chronic inflammation translates to disease.

ALL the following ingredients will ALWAYS raise my blood glucose level, no matter how minimal the amount I consume. Avoid these menacing and foreboding culprits at all costs:

  1. Imitation crab/imitation or artificial anything. Made from Golden Threadfin Bream, an endangered fish, and additives like MSG, high-fructose corn-syrup and artificial flavors.
  2. Food dyes (as in yellow #4, blue #1, red #40, or yellow #6, as in most bright and colorful cupcakes, m&ms, candy etc). Scientifically proven and tested to cause cancer, asthma, hives, allergies, ADHD and yes the list goes very much on.
  3. “Natural” or artificial flavors This mysterious but very suspicious ingredient is an umbrella term for god knows what. It could be a single additive to a blend of 50 chemical ingredients (which is what “strawberry artificial flavor” consists of). It could be MSG, MSG2, or Senomyx. All of which are a major cause of the current obesity epidemic.
  4. Soy 94% of US soy is genetically engineered, causing serious hormonal disruption. Soy derivatives can hide under various other names, such as mono-diglyceride, soya, soja, yuba, TSF (textured soy flour), TSP (textured soy protein), TVP (textured vegetable protein), lecithin, MSG and soy protein isolate, found in protein bars or meal replacement shakes for instance. For soy you can trust, use USDA certified 100% organic, fermented soy products like tempeh.
  5. All versions of processed corn (maltodextrin, dextrose, dextrin, high fructose corn syrup, corn starch) and all artificial sweeteners (erythritol, fructose, maltose, maltitol, allulose, sorbitol, aspartame, saccharine etc) These are all major insulin-level disruptors and elevate risk of chronic disease, like cancer, heart disease, diabetes, premature aging, arthritis, and a slew of others. Contrary to what they want you to believe, these sweeteners raise insulin levels like you can’t believe and wreak ghastly (and gassy) havoc on the gut. For sweetening without the calories, use pure monkfruit without erythritol or other junk (I prefer it a thousand times over pure stevia as per taste and health benefits. Products sweetened with coconut sugar are optimal as well!)
  6. All vegetable and seed oils (canola, sunflower, safflower, high oleic versions of these, palm, rice bran, corn, grapeseed, etc) Note to self: the French diet consists of animal fats in the form of butter, full-fat cream, foie, rillettes, etc. They are within normal healthy weight and infinitely healthier than the average American. That said, studies have shown that rats fed safflower oil gained 12.3% more weight as compared to those fed traditional fats (butter, olive oil), which translates to 23 lbs in humans! Heated vegetable oils are even more dire, as studies showed those rabbits fed heated oil with a 45% weight gain. Yes. According to my calculations, this translates to nearly 100 lbs in humans. All these listed polyunsaturated vegetable oils lead to mitochondrial dysfunction and inhibit fat-burning while promoting fat-cell growth. For cooking on high temps, I use avocado oil and/or butter and use olive oil only cold. For ready-made mayos, Chosen and Primal Kitchen use avocado oil as their base.
  7. Mass-produced bulk nuts (nuts not specified as organic such as Planters peanuts)are typically sprayed with glyphosate—an herbicide used to prevent weed competition. This chemical is incredibly toxic, and has been linked to infertility and a list of other devastating health issues. Sprouted, organic or European-imported are all usually safe. 
  8. Reduced fat dairy Studies clearly show that those who consume full-fat dairy daily gain 30% less weight than those who don’t. Studies have also concluded that high-fat dairy products are linked to lower body fat and reduced obesity risk. That said, I live for cheese and raw milk in my espresso or matcha, and anything cooked with butter.

The bottom line. Just because it’s FDA-approved don’t mean sh*t. It’s not your wellbeing but your ill-being they’re approving.

America, you are being deceived and misled. America today looks and feels quite different than it did before Monsanto and all its power-hungry friends began controlling the government and our wellbeing in the late 90s. America, you are in a dreadful health crisis, with a 700% increase in chronic disease since the 1930s, with <10% of Americans with actual good metabolic health, and with obesity (and morbid obesity) rates surging to 42.4% since only 2018. What the devil is happening here?

For the curiouser and curiouser, head over to —> Foods That Make You Fat 


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