We all think we know what’s best for us—especially when it comes to choosing the “right” companion or cultivating the “right” relationships. We tend to assume the people we surround ourselves with should be similar to us. We look for shared values, lifestyles, mentalities, and chemistry. 

But no matter how close those similarities may run, there’s something deeper we subconsciously seek—and need—even more. 

We need others to find us a little difficult, a little perplexing, and different from themselves—and vice versa.

We need to be misunderstood—just enough…

… or our relationships would be a hopeless bore.

Something we should look for in a partner or friend isn’t total understanding, but rather a minor—though never fundamental—misunderstanding of who we are and why we sometimes act the way we do.

If everyone around us always understood us completely—thought, acted, and reacted exactly as we would— they’d just be mirrors or transmitters of our own ideas. And we’d get hopelessly bored. 

The relationship would never last. 

But when we live or interact with someone who occasionally misunderstands or misreads us—and whom we too occasionally misread—the ideas in our heads do more than merely transmit. They transmute. They transform. They take us somewhere we couldn’t have gone alone. 

What would be more entertaining—to watch a documentary about yourself or a dramatic saga on Netflix?

We can think of our relationships as a sort of ride-share vehicle—an Uber for growth. It serves us as a means. Only we don’t know all the routes, destinations, or detours ahead. We may have our preferences—and proudly tout them—but they may evolve thanks to new opinions, experiences, and examples along the way.

If we’re going to be truly honest with ourselves, we don’t actually want to remain the same, simple, singular, unadulterated versions of our being for our entire lives. The glory of life lies in discovering and living all the hidden, complex, idiosyncratic, and deeper facets of our own and all of humanity’s being.

We don’t need to drown our differences out with an avalanche of insecurity and waste the chance to transmute—dependently, fantastically.

“Just because you are, doesn’t mean you have to.” – Maya Angelou

We’re not fixed beings. We’re meant to change through contact.

So take just about everything—even hated things—as inspiration, and blend it all together in the Mix-Master of your mind.