Friends, please do note, my intention in addressing this topic is not to offend, as I personally believe we all go through multiple life experiences, transitioning between genders and continuously reincarnating to gain a complete understanding of what Life (and Love) is. My intention here is simply to explore ways in which we can improve and enhance our relationships, intimate and friendly or professional.
The portrayal of women as “crazy” during witch trials and men as warmongers throughout history has been well-documented. And let’s face it, the battle of the sexes—the crazies versus the warmongers—is centuries old.
Let’s first just get this out of the way: there’s no such thing as compatibility. If I may, compatibility with someone lives only within our minds, until we actually begin to live with that person. We’re all incompatible because we all have our differences, idiosyncrasies, and psychological and physical complexities. But ☝🏻we can form strong relationships with anyone we choose to. We all know relationship is WORK but it’s hard to work at something when you don’t have a clear understanding of its inherent dynamic or the right tools necessary to make it work (pun intended).
To begin, let us dive into understanding. According to a University of Pennsylvania study on 949 adolescent and young adult brains, males exhibit “stronger front-to-back circuits and links between perception and action,” while females show “stronger left-to-right links between reasoning and intuition.” The conclusion is this: men tend to think linearly, practically and in terms of action, while women tend to have a more global, emotionally-based perspective.
Brains of women and men show strong hard-wired differences
“The two hemispheres of a woman’s brain talk to each other more than a man’s do, while the males’ brain activity is more tightly coordinated within local brain regions.” That might explain why men, being more linear in their approach to situations, generally do not take in all the aspects at once. This also explains why women generally tend to function keeping a broader more emotional sense of a situation and to retain stronger emotional memories, recalling them more quickly, vividly, and intensely. Oh we’re quite good at that, yes yes.
Part of the cliché of why men sometimes perceive women as “crazy” can be explained in that women don’t follow their linear thinking. And conversely, women might stereotypically perceive men as dopey, unmindful, or belligerent when men can’t or won’t immediately see the bigger picture or understand the underlying feelings involved. The 🧙🏻♀️and the 🤺 may likely get impatient, but in the end, must essentially accept and put up with their hardwired differences.
So, if we’re going to be good at relationships, what are we witch- and warmonger-inclined specimens to do? We can’t rewire our or their brains but we can be strategic. As women we can try to express ourselves in ways that will give men the message that there is a goal and a win for them. We can show them logical and reasonable options or explanations. We can make them feel as if they’re going to score something in order to make a change. (If a man feels empowered by a win that’s been suggested by a woman, she wins his team-player respect.) Most importantly, we have to demonstrate we are on their side, on their team. If we attack them and tell them what they’re doing wrong, then we’re the enemy.
Men can play an intelligent strategy with women as well. I don’t believe it’s just me when I claim that when men try a little tenderness, it will drive us “crazies” to putty. With tenderness, women suddenly can be plied and kneaded. “Oh she may be weary. Them girls they do get wearied,” courtesy of Otis Redding, in Try A Little Tenderness). That’s why listening, understanding, caring, and letting a woman be emotional is the win for you gentlemanly fighters. Whether in flaming witch-mode or not, all she wants is to be accepted at that moment.
If a man’s strengths are practicality and reason, then a woman’s failure might be in not creating strategies that work for everyone. And if a woman’s strengths are in being attune to broader, more intuitive realms, then a man’s failure might be in lacking the patience to allow, understand and intuit.
The thing about compatibility is that there’s no end to the work, but with these key (🤫) insights, the work is easy. And we all remain cool and allied witches and warmongers.