To balance the ordinary with the extraordinary, the mundane with the mysterious, and the simple with the profound… that’s what this life is all about. In those moments when we find ourselves tired of everything, too tired to think or even care—when the clock clearly needs rewinding but all we can do is just stare vapidly at it—THAT is the moment to just keep staring. Because that is when a curious, sly and rather unpredictable cat within our soul is longing to be let out.

I recently experienced some weeks of physical, mental and emotional exhaustion, leaving me vapid in thought and sapped of energy. And it inspired me to compose this (attempt at a) poem, if you will:

Tired Of Being Tired

Here I stand, the model of Do-Right

Each day, morning, noon, n’ night,

The first to rise, the last to snooze.

It’s cook n’ clean, n’ perfunctory blues!

With family and duties, all chores they implore,

It’s groceries, amazon, boxes f’rever at my door.

My eyes feel heavy, my face looks droopy,

Outside it’s gray n’ gloomy n’ poopy.

That double espresso was an honest trap,

Cuz first I went Brrrrrup! n’ then I went Blaaaap!

I’m worse off than b’fore and it’s only eleven!

Oh where and when is my seventh heaven?

I’m tired, sick n’ tired of being tired.

That I’ve had my fill, on my face has transpired.

Tired of being required, tired of days uninspired

Want only to feel admired and even desired.

Oh this monotonous game is a crying shame,

It’s all the same, now everything’s to blame!

Can’t get my words out in the right order,

Lose emails n’ passwords, oh blasted disorder!

The foul-mouthed profanities I let go astray.

I do n’ I do, but Damn it, where is my play?

ALTHOUGH….

Could it be, that I tire me, that it’s ME all this quandary?

If I sang and I smiled, would it then be drudgery?

Well yes it could be, I’m caught up in the futility

Of overthinking my tired n’ haggard agony.

That instead of slumping in my sluggish glum,

I might puff out my chest, and let curiosity come.

If I desert my chores, to which I’ll return,

Could I allow myself a brief motivational downturn?

My arms, my legs, my mind need some downtime.

To listen, to watch, in the hush b’fore the chime.

The clock’s been rewound and well Life shall ensue

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have nothing to attend to.

In his book, Welcome to the Monkey House, Kurt Vonnegut in his typical whimsical and surreal style, addresses this life conundrum. That the mundane tasks and responsibilities of our lives happen in the midst of the chaos of our minds and the mysteries of our souls. As I interpret it, “don’t forget to wind the restricted clock and put the confidential cat out” metaphorically touches upon the notion of balancing the routine, monotonous, ordinary and mundane with all that is deeper, more extraordinary and mysterious. It’s all a tremendous balancing act which can be dreadfully tiresome at times. So what can we do to manage with more ease?

If we think about our lives, two interesting themes come up, that of freedom and that of change. We all craft stories in our heads which we use to explain everything to ourselves and to those around us, stories which then shape our reality without our consciously knowing it. But we should be careful, cuz those crafted tales can work in our favor, or against us.

We might possess freedom and privilege in our lives, but then turn around and tell stories depicting us as trapped by our family, work, health, finances, past, or future. We may compare our lives to supposed better ones, which only reinforces our sense of despair and confinement each time we tell those tales. The thing is, we fail to recognize opportunities for liberation because we’re too wrapped up in our story and who knows, (perhaps subconsciously) too daunted by the idea of freedom. Many of us desire a change. But we don’t want to change. What we want is for others or the circumstances around us to change.

And we pretend like this is logical.

Being tired can force us into a “meditative” mode. The idea is to allow ourselves a blank moment in time, a blank narrative, at least just for a while. It may feel strange and uncomfortable, but it leaves room for possibility. It allows us to erase the stories which don’t serve us anymore and make space for our curious “confidential cat” to emerge from hiding. But beware, cats are unpredictable.

Self-discovery is big now. We all talk about getting to know ourselves, but part of getting to know ourselves means “unknowing” ourselves. And once we’ve unwound, and unplugged, and allowed the mischievous cat its freedom, then can we create a new and refreshing story. And see how that goes 😉🤷‍♀️.